|
News
&
Events
Words
Images
Links
Archival Abby
Abby's Bio
|
Dirty Old Man
Cast: Sarah, Tori,
August, Mecca and Shannon.
Directed by Steve Sweet, Tom Sweet, Rey Rey and Mike Lyons.
Themes: A dirty old man paired with "video virgins."
Erotic Rating: If you're an old man, SCHWING! If not, FLOP.
Synopsis: The starring Dirty Old Man picks up on young women and brings them
to his sad studio to screw them.
From: FilmCo.
1998, 120 min.
Comments: Man, oh man, oh man! This has to be the absolute worst porn video
I've ever watched. Really. And I've watched a lot! Granted, the idea of a flabby
old guy fucking fresh pussy meat is an intriguing one. However, watching it
actually take place is another prospect all together. And while the camera crew
spares us from too much footage of the D.O.M., just having to watch his saggy
ass flop around while he fucks these chickies is bad enough. And he could've
used a penis double; it's about the size of a healthy thumb. So for all those
guys out there too insecure to watch studly porno dudes, this may hold some
sort of allure. As for me, well... First up is Sarah, and she's no Vivid Girl.
She's got glasses, a bit too much flab and a bad haircut. Her tits are okay,
but once the screwing starts, it's hard to watch. The D.O.M.'s big belly and
her fat against a backdrop of bad upholstery. Ugh. He sports a condom AND a
latex glove. How romantic. His patter is priceless, but who wants to see his
wrinkly old ass? This initial scene lasted a full unbearable 30 minutes.
Scene two features Tori,
a pert red-head who isn't bad looking. I can't imagine why she'd want to fuck
this guy. They retire to the same tired fold-out couch. Too depressing. Her
shaved snatch makes her look very "off the bus," and I'm surprised she's not
appearing in any Max Hardcore movies. When he fucks her asshole, her coccyx
practically pokes through her skin. Next up is a pimply pregnant chick. She
must need the money pretty bad, since she doesn't exactly look destined to become
a big star. When he enthused over her hairy snatch, I almost lost my Cheerios.
She shaves herself and proves to be not a bad little sexual gymnast. Number
four is Mecca, who,looks like a junkie. D.O.M. pokes an assortment of toys up
her ass, slips his cock in for a second or two and spews. This leaves us with
Shannon, a brunette workin' the Betty Page look. She keeps her black socks on,
perhaps in solidarity with the D.O.M. They fold out the couch together—how nice!Ñand
screw. Now, I don't necessarily need to see mansions and gauzy camera shots,
but this video was so depressingly tawdry and tacky I couldn't have jerked off
over it if I'd been on a pharmacy full of drugs. Again, I'll say that old fat
guys might find it stimulating, and there's so much sex toy play and anal poking
that the plain old curious might receive some sort of voyeuristic thrill. But
unless you have a strong stomach, stick to Max Hardcore.
[Written in the late-90s...I think!]
|