Editrix Abby  

Leg Sex Column Eleven

Written January 2005

Greetings, all you delicious leg lovers! Are you busy eyeballing exposed toes? Drooling over crossed calves? Thinking about nothing but thighs? That's what the warm weather is all about! And as you sit sweating in the summer heat, are you wishing for a cool breeze? Well, I'm here to take you back to the crisp months of autumn and the shivery weeks of winter as I fill you in on my scintillating sexploits.

Back in the fall it was Mondo Porno mayhem for me as I crosscrossed the country to host a September Mondo Porno in San Francisco, an October bash in Boston and finally, back home to Manhattan for "Classical Mondo Porno" in November. I featured the usual rock bands and Djs, but the burlesque dancers were, of course, the highlight of the night! Little Brooklyn performed her sexy/scary spider show, with her horrifyingly hilarious spider hand puppet feeling her up and stripping her bare! She had toy spiders hidden in her fishnets; bet you wish you couldÕve been one of those plastic arachnids clinging to her curves! The adorable Peekaboo Pointe danced a swimming-themed number that really showed off her skin art! Check out those yummy tattooed calves! And Molly Crabapple made her Mondo debut in a saucy Moulin Rouge-esque ensemble. I'm always a sucker for a crinoline slip, especially when there are some sexy gartered hose underneath!

Hot burlesque babes taking their clothes off is usually a pretty easy sell and I wanted to bump-and-grind things up a notch, so I hired a few frisky friends to be body painted. Vann Godfrey specializes in airbrushing nude bodies at parties; take a look at the magic he performed upon Carin and Darlinda! He transformed them into my Mondo Porno flier illustrations! He was sure to pay special attention to the flames on Darlinda's thighs and the curlicues on Carin's calves. The two lovely ladies were kept busy all night long, posing with excited party guests. Even the owner of the club wanted his picture taken with the naked illustrated women!

December was surprisingly warm, which was perfect for the annual Santa insanity that is SantaCon, one of my favorite days of the year, along with Halloween and The Mermaid Parade. This year I joined 500 fun-loving friends dressed up as Santa, along with elves, reindeer and other humorous interpretations of ho-ho-holiday characters. We rambled and reveled from Chinatown to Times Square to Central Park, handing out lollipops to kids and scaring unsuspecting tourists. As is customary, we held a striptease contest at one nightclub and then danced our Saint Nick asses off at another. Everyone looked a little less like Santa once they'd peeled off their costumes. You can't beat dancing with a saucy Santa's helper in nothing but her red-and-white striped tights and a bra with jingle bells! And in case you're curious, I performed my sexiest Santa strip, swinging my lacy shirt and red crinoline over my head, then tossing them into the appreciative crowd.

I rang in 2005 at Anon Salon's Sea of Dreams extravaganza in San Francisco. Attendees are encouraged to wear costumes, so I did my usual thing and donned an emerald green ensemble as a citizen of Oz. There were tasty dancers dressed as bon-bons and all sorts of randy revelers in fuzzy fur and blinky lights. It was a festive way to begin the new year.

And just days into 2005 I flew off to Las Vegas for the annual Adult Entertainment Expo. This is the adult industry's biggest event of the year, attended by all the porn stars and thousands of fans. I got my picture taken with porn's biggest star, Jenna Jameson, during one of several insanely hectic days on the convention room floor. All the glamorous girls were signing autographs and flashing the crowd, jumping up to show off muscular legs and tight asses. Five-inch stilettos were de riguer, though a few ladies chose to cover up in those fuzzy Ugg boots. Perhaps there's something to be said for leaving things to the imagination! Cause one can only imagine all the tasty toes and curvaceous calves concealed by those silly shoes! But I suppose they were all much more comfortable in fuzzy slipper-like boots than the women wearing high heels, which can get pretty painful after a full day of standing. Perhaps next year I should suggest that a few of you slavier sorts attend and profide foot and leg massages. I, for one, could definitely have used one! I don't think I sat for more than a few minutes at a time throughout the whole show.

Every year over the days of the convention there are loads of parties, which suck, for the most part. So I decided to host a Mondo Porno! This was my first party in Vegas, so I was pretty nervous. But as usual, rock 'n' roll, half-naked chicks and free porn brought folks out in droves! Stevi Secret invited along her hot tranny friend Shavonna, Benny Profane of Pirate Booty Productions brought a slew of wenches and even a few unexpected friends from New York showed up! Velocity Chyalldd was one of those surprises, and she took to the stage for an a capella version of a Vulgaras hit. She also showed off her tattooed legs: she had seamed stockings, complete with Cuban heels, inked from her feet to her ass! Pink Snow of Erocktica managed to break Vegas's ridiculous laws by getting naked, and boy, were the fans happy about that! There was glitter everywhere as she did the standing splits onstage. Good thing the security guards couldn't see over all the fans, or we would've been spending the night in jail. Believe me, there isn't very much sinning in Sin City these days. But I did my best!