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Scurvy Girls Volume 2
Five fantastic scenes of slutty girls with filthy mouths!
Starring: Roxy DeVille, Logan James, Annette Schwarz, Persia Decarlo
and Phoebe (The Fucked). Rob Rotten, Donny Long, Johnny Thrust, Dick
Tracy and Jay Ashley (The Fuckrs). And yes, spelled Fuckrs.
Directed by Rob Rotten.
Will Appeal To: Alternadudes with tattoos and their slutty girlfriends. Or just dudes who wish they had slutty girlfriends.
From: Metro Interactive/Punx Productions/Loaded Digital
2006
When I shuffle through the stuff that comes over my transom and try to
decide what to review, it’s tough not to judge DVDs by their covers. I
grabbed this one along with Potty Mouth in hopes of getting “either a
lot of dirty talk, sex in sleazy bathrooms or both.” While Potty Mouth
was a bit of a disappointment, this one here is exactly what I was
looking for: slutty girls with filthy mouths and smeared makeup, on
their knees sucking cock. Huzzah! With Scurvy Girls, Punx Productions
provides five fabulous scenes of drooling, gagging porn slags. This is
Volume 2; I may have to dig around in my stacks for Volume 1!
Before I even get into the action, let me say that four out of the five
porn stars here have real tits, which, as my regular readers know, is
always a huge selling point for me. Another one of my higher-excitement
quotients is an original soundtrack, especially when it’s something
other than the usual whocka-whocka. In this case, the music is all punk
rock—even better! And of course, the mere fact that this is Gen Y porn,
with tattooed dudes, as opposed to the same ol’ stunt cocks, makes it
even MORE palatable. Okay, maybe palatable is too classy a word; let’s
say wankable! And now, on with the sex!
Scene one stars a ladies room fetishist (?!) in a ski mask and a
Teutonic blonde bitch whose black eyeliner is pre-smeared. Sweet! In no
time, there’s face-sitting, foot-licking, toilet seat-sniffing and our
fetishist, snuffling through his ski mask. She grunts and whines, rips
her fishnets and takes the guy’s cock AND balls deep into her throat!
Uh, rewind and replay, please! She pushes him onto the toilet seat and
mounts him—now THAT’S what I’m talkin’ ’bout!—and her tits flop as she
slams down on his dick. But the maneuver that really sealed the deal
for me was when she stood up and bent over to suck his cock some more,
shoving her ass into his face. “Never forget to squeeze my fuckin’
ass!” she commands. Achtung, baby! Add in the fact that she keeps her
panties on throughout the entire scene and this one’s a keeper!
Wunderbar!
Scene two’s slag wasn’t so easy on the eyes; she got pretty bad skin
but she’s flawless from the neck down. She co-stars with Jay Ashley, a
flash from the past that I chortled about in Potty Mouth. In a wacky,
samba-y hookery scenario, he forces her to suck his cock. This bitch is
loud! And, oy, the phlegm! I’ll admit, I pressed Pause when he hoisted
her into the air for a Herculean 69. Whoa! After greedily gobbling his
jizz, she spits it out and lets it dribble down her tit. Okay!
The Barely Legal babe in scene three starts out with perfect makeup but
after gagging on Tracy’s dick it’s all running down her face. Smeared
makeup? Check! His cock is huge and he really crams it in. However,
when he has her bent over on a foot locker, slamming into her milky
white ass, it’s a shame he’s not quite as hard as he could be. No
matter…she whines convincingly and oh, that face of hers! The way her
beautiful hazel eyes gaze up at this goon will break your heart! Er,
your zipper…
Logan James sports stripey socks, a see-through shirt and no panties as
she smashes a bunch of TVs in scene four. Huh? Oh, I get it. PUNK ROCK!
She’s paired with our dear director, Mr. Rotten, who has the most
distracting tattoo in porn: the word POISON down the shaft of his cock.
He services Ms. James QUITE well, in fact, possibly the best servicing
I’ve seen in porn movie memory. This guy’s prick is a thing of beauty.
Seriously! (Hmm, perhaps I could get myself a co-starring role in a
future Scurvy Girls?) They appear to have a pleasant rapport; I can’t
quite describe it…or why. When you see an extreme close-up of her mouth
making love to his dick, well, it’s true romance! And, ohhhh, man! The
money shot! The way he holds his cock when he comes! Gimme a minute…
…Okay, where was I? Oh yeah. Scene five. I’m tellin’ ya, I was already
sold. But watching our hot cover babe in a pseudo-American Beauty music
video-esque montage, being sprinkled with black rose petals was yummy.
Too bad she ruins it all once she starts having sex. This chick is
trying WAAAAY too hard! Okay, honey, we get it. You’re a porn star! But
you ain’t no Joanna Angel. Instead I focused on her co-star stunt cock,
which was impressive even semi-flaccid. Sadly, this slag doesn’t do a
very good job of sucking it, using way more hand action than mouth
application. Move over, bitch! Ahem. Sorry. Anyway, like I said, I was
sold on this vid before I even got to this scene, so its being
fast-forward-worthy wasn’t even a deal-breaker.
I can’t say quite why I’m such a sucker for this entire package; it’s a
little embarrassing. But I suppose if you add up hot babes with real
tits, punk rock, phlegmy cocksucking, smeared makeup and Rob Rotten’s
stunning specimen of a fuck-stick, well, color me impressed! And moist!
<blush>
[Written Feb. 2008]
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