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Avenue X

Psyche/Political Porn/Meditation

Starring: Veronica Jett, Kimberly Kane, Trina Michaels, Tatianna Stone, Michelle Aston, Simone, Dino Bravo, Brian Surewood, Tommy Pistol, Alex Sanders, Johnny Irons plus a whole slew of hipsters in non-sex roles.
Directed by Joe Gallant
Will Appeal To: Gen-X, Y and other assorted perverted hipsters.
From: Hustler/VCA
2006

What can I say about Joe Gallant? The guy is a fuckin’ artiste! This flick is a full-length feature that might’ve been perfect for the drive-in if drive-ins had survived the gas crisis and videotapes…oh, and if you could project hardcore onto building-sized screens.

All the scenes here are uber long and most contain extensive anal action, asses being Joe’s favorite thing! He uses actual locations rather than sets and in this case his locations are New York City, downtown Los Angeles and the Mojave Desert. Even that’s sort of a generalization, as there are so many different shots that you’ll feel like you’re watching a big budget Hollywood movie in comparison with the stereotypical LA porn house or poorly assembled sets you usually see in smut. In addition to the amazing lighting, trippy effects, unexpected jump cuts and other artistic flourishes, probably the most remarkable difference here is the music. Gallant composes all his own soundtracks and it truly enhances the experience. It’s an actual movie score, as opposed to a loop of woccka-woccka horribleness.

Anyway, Avenue X takes place in the year 2010—not very far off, really—and there’s a black market of outlaw art. Porn, to be exact. Joe’s press release for the film gives this synopsis, in part: “Underground sex-film performers are the front ranks of a new humanist Resistance, committed to re-establishing the soul, spontaneity and dignity of the human experience through the filming of stark, hot and orgasm-filled clandestine sex scenes.” And how! I will do MY best to synopsize those scenes:

Jett and ??? are teamed up for the opening scene, intercut with them in a scary fishtank apparatus undergoing some sort of mindfuck experiment. Things go from mindfuck to assfuck in the blink of an eye…or the loss of a few brain cells! There’s a blowjob with a hilarious new move termed “the ???” in the Behind the Scenes section. Plenty of anal ensues as well, plus some added surprise kinky shit.

Scene two is really only part one of the three=part Kimberly Kane/Alex Sanders pairing, which, in my opinion, could be cut into one long wank-inducing reel; it’s that good. In part one, Kane performs a deep throat blowjob that’s punctuated with gags and draped with oodles of phlegm. Stir in some spanking, pounding anal in numerous positions and a whole lot of Kimberly’s sexy whines and it will inspire you to rewind and watch again. But stay tuned, cause there’s more of these two!

We’re magically transported to the Mojave, where Surewood, Bravo and Trina Michaels welcome a zombied Jett into an al fresco fuckfest. There’s all manner of four-way action with loads of anal, ass-to-mouth and chicks diddling each other. I was distracted by Trina’s interesting twat; it’s kind of lip-less. Perhaps the result of labia reduction surgery? Her piercings make it look even more interesting, like peas in a pod. Anyway! After all their machinations, the guys fill the girls’ assholes with greasy lube. The ladies squirt it out as the finale before the come shot.

Tatianna is in black fishnets for her scene with ??? (guy from Exotic Erotic). He’s impressively hairless and she’s an enthusiastic cocksucker with a hot little landing strip. He greases up her asshole and slides first one, then two, then three, then four fingers into her before he feeds his cock into her ass. After he bends her into a few positions, he hoists her into an anal pile driver, which results in a most COPIOUS come shot all over her upturned twat. Huzzah!

A pink-haired Michelle Aston has mouse traps on her nipples and labia as she sits with her legs spread while Simone uses an enema bag to fill Michelle’s ass with a scary milky substance. She then sprays the stuff all over some gawking dude’s boots. Oy vey! Now THAT’S performance art! But hmmm, does that qualify as a sex scene?

Back to more of Kane and Sanders, still in the same LA warehouse. Things are even wilder at this point as he chows down on her pussy with unreserved zeal. Kane comes and comes and comes! If she’s faking it, she deserves an Academy Award. I was totally convinced by her sincerity. Whatever she’s feeling you’re gonna want some. These two fuck for what seems like an eternity—more sucking, licking, 69-ing, you name it. But wait! There’ll be more!

Back to Aston and Simone, where they’ve got ???? on the bed. The two double team him for some cocksucking before Simone slips his dick into her ass and Aston assumes the position, masturbating while watching. When she busts out her Hitachi, watch closely, my friends. In seconds, she’s coming like crazy and spraying all over the place, including the camera lens! Simone gets down there and drinks as much as she can manage while getting pounded from behind. Nice! But it ain’t over yet! Simone leans in closer for some pussy-lickin’ as Aston lets out some seriously feral noises. After Simone sucks Michelle dry, the dude spews his load across both their tongues. Whew!

And yes, there is even MORE to the scene with Kane and Sanders! Still in their stark warehouse, there’s more blowjobbing, screwing and anal plundering, which ultimately ends with Sanders spilling his seed onto Kane’s face. She blithely quips, “I deserve that come,” and you won’t disagree! This bitch is my favorite new porno babe!

All told, Avenue X weighs in at a hefty two-plus hours. You won’t be bored for a minute, unless you can’t stomach anal sex scenes, in which case, whatthefuck are you watching Joe Gallant for? In fact, a caveat: this movie contains PLOT and DIALOGUE and even some semi-sci-fi scary stuff that may fail to get (or keep) your dick hard. But it’s all in the service of the story line. And seriously, this movie is so interesting it will have you inviting friends over to watch with you. Pop popcorn! And make believe you’re at the drive-in!

[Written July 2007]