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Urban TantraSacred Sex for the Twenty-First CenturyWhen I reviewed Barbara Carrellas’s recent book Luxurious Loving, I said that she is a powerfully passionate woman who exudes an incredible electrifying vibe. I enjoyed Luxurious Loving; it was chock full of ways to make your love life more fun and fulfilling. But her new book, Urban Tantra, is her life’s work. And it exudes every bit of Barbara’s juicy, life-affirming energy.Urban Tantra is based on her live courses, offering “an approach to sacred sexuality that adapts and blends conscious sexual practices from Tantra to S/M.” In three straight days of devoted devouring, I found the book alternately daunting, inspiring and moving; at times it brought me to tears. But better still, since finishing the book barely two weeks ago, my life has already improved. To again quote my Luxurious Loving review, I had “misgivings about the Tantra thing. I’m more for a sloppy quickie in a dive bar bathroom than the light candles and romantically soak in a hot tub, so spending hours bent like a pretzel and concentrating on breathing as opposed to focusing on the come shot is fairly anathema to moi.” This book takes that sort of woo-woo to a whole new level but Barbara conveys all the lessons like a conversation between friends rather than referencing an ancient text or spouting pseudo-religious dogma. Thank goddess! (Okay, I know…that used to make me cringe. But get with the program! It’s what all the cool kids are saying!) Urban Tantra is about as basic as you can get but it takes some twists that ordinary Tantric texts might not. Carrellas explores the similarities between Tantra and BDSM, shares city-dwelling shortcuts and expands the practices beyond the male/female/couple dynamic to include not just men and women, but the transgendered and everyone in between, as well as homosexual, bisexual and group Tantra. Through her unique distillation, It becomes an all-encompassing practice that can be easily incorporated into anyone’s life. She explodes myths and explains chakras. Provides “Erotic Playsheets” and a selection of suggested “Props: Mild to Wild.” Not to mention an exhaustive and invaluable list of resources. You’ll learn new ways to touch, new ways to breathe, new ways to experience pleasure. And let me tell you, get ready to experience pleasure! Everything from the esoteric to the obvious is broken up into easily digestible bite-sized servings. Tasty! Just when it all starts to sound way too complicated – When will I find the time to build an altar? Redecorate my tiny studio apartment for that session of special sex? What if I don’t have a bathtub? – Barbara pops in with a reassuring sidebar, like “A Note to the Time-Challenged,” letting you know that you don’t need to follow every instruction to the letter. Or even in any particular order. Breathe. Literally. And take it all one – or two – steps at a time. I consider myself to be one of those “time-challenged” urban types and my apartment can be overwhelming: cramped, claustrophobic, crowded with memories and tchochkes and dust bunnies and years of stressful city living. Setting aside the time and space – both literally and figuratively – is a challenge. But urged on by Barbara’s warm and encouraging words, I’ve actually sat cross-legged on a squishy mat and meditated. For real! And in just the few weeks since I ravenously read through every page, my income has increased, I’ve experienced multiple orgasms and I’ve never felt more loved or alive. I know it sounds like I’m trying to sell you a pyramid scheme or a self-help program, but I swear to you, Barbara’s Valentine of a book really works! For personal reasons, my Tantric practices thus far have been limited to “Tantra for One,” to which Barbara devotes an entire chapter. If you can’t love yourself, how can you love others? Makes sense. But delving even further, Tantra is about being in touch with your body, what you want, what works for you, and communicating those desires to your lover(s). How can you know if you, well, don’t know? Sex with yourself is the easiest way to learn. The additional fact that Barbara makes absolutely no judgments and suggests you do the same helps you laugh at all the pent-up negative comparisons we humans can’t seem to help accumulating. I suppose I could enumerate every chapter and its incredible lessons, but truly, either you’re ready for this book or you’re not. It isn’t an easy thing to admit that we want our lives to be better. Don’t we all spend endless amounts of energy convincing ourselves that everything’s just fine the way it is? Geez, now I’m starting to sound like a self-help course! Instead, I’ll say this: Give yourself a gift. Buy this book. Now, I’m gonna go re-read it! Wheeee! To buy the book, visit www.tenspeed.com and do a search for Urban Tantra. For more about Barbara, visit her site www.barbaracarrellas.com. [Written May 2007] |
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