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Archival Abby
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Vegas, Baby!
The Adult Industry's Biggest Week
The AVN Awards
I’ve been venturing out to Las Vegas to attend the porno convention for
a decade now. It has metamorphosed from an adjunct to The Consumer
Electronics Show into a convention in its own right, The Adult
Entertainment Expo. The show culminates with The AVN Awards, the
“Academy Awards of Porn” made famous in Boogie Nights. The awards show,
too, has metamorphosed, from a tacky parade of silicone to what is now
an impressive, totally professional production. This year was probably
the slickest yet. Even the infamous buffet was surprisingly edible!
Hosted by deliciously dirty-mouthed comedienne Thea Vidale, the musical
performances included rapper Chiggy and alt-band Lit. Smashmouth
performed their hit “(Hey You’re an) All Star,” which I expected them
to change to “Porn Star,” but alas, no such luck. Of course, all this
should come as no surprise, as AVN itself has, over the past 20-plus
years, grown from a Xeroxed zine to the industry’s bible and porn has
gone more-or-less mainstream.
If they sell any more tables to the awards, there won’t be room for the
bars of buffets. It was attended by about 3,000 people who just about
filled the enormous ballroom. And while 10 years ago the fashions were
mostly a cringe fest, this year all the porn stars looked like they
could’ve just as easily been attending The Golden Globes. Fewer tacky
purple velvet suits on the men—though they’re all still sporting
tans-in-a-can—and fewer hideous Fredericks of Hollywood-esque beaded
gowns on the women. Everyone looked quite classy, as a matter of fact.
The selection of celebrities who show up never fails to surprise me. I
spotted Heidi Fleiss and Vincent Gallo hovering in the hallway outside
the ballroom. Gallo’s facial hair made him look like either a member of
the Manson family or Saturday Night Live’s “The Falconer.” Ms. Fleiss
has had so much plastic surgery that she could pass for Michael
Jackson. What the two were doing together is my question; perhaps it
was some sort of prearranged celebrity buddy system thing.
The awards ended a half-hour early, with Jenna Jameson taking away the
lion’s share. But when the more obscure awards—meaning anything other
than those of the “Best Blowjob Scene” sort—scrolled on the jumbo
screen, it was nice to see that even “Specialty: Spanking” winners went
home with a slab of, um, engraved glass.
The AEE Convention
The convention, too, has exploded in recent years and it attracts
celebrities as well. Motorhead’s Lemmy is a perennial; I even partied
with him last year at one of the after hour bashes. Gene Simmons
strolled into the press room Saturday afternoon, apparently covering it
as press. The first thing he wanted to know was if there was free food
available. He was directed to the snack bar for pre-packaged sandwiches
and appeared not-too-pleased. But it’s good to be Gene; he strutted
through the crowd, entourage in tow, to shouts of “Hey, Gene! Let’s see
that tongue!”
But the real celebrities were porn’s biggest stars: Ron Jeremy, Jenna
Jameson, Janine. The fans-only line to get into the show and see those
celebs stretched the entire length of the convention hall. They paid
outrageous prices to be sardined into the convention hall, where mobs
of woo-hoo porn dogs clutching posters and 8x10s clogged up the aisles
as they waited for starlets to autograph the t-shirts stretched over
their less-than-toned chests. Porn star wannabes jostled with
camera-toting video crews while actual industry insiders desperately
and futilely tried to conduct business.
There were the usual sex toy distributors and all the big movie makers.
For the first time, shemales were represented with their very own
booth. There were Clown Porn people, Pirate Porn people and “Porn Star
Pets,” a documentary about, yes, porn stars and their pets. There were
stuffed animals with secret pouches for sex toys, chocolates to
“inspire” a woman’s libido and a company that makes life-sized torso
piñatas called Porñatas. Sure beat the same ol’ plastic
vibrators!
I got my picture taken with Jenna, who seemed to appreciate my boobs,
and that made my trip complete. I rarely bother with the whole
starry-eyed fan thing. Mostly I prefer to just take in the whole scene.
But given how packed the place was, it made sense to have a mission,
execute a plan of attack and get the hell outta there! Though even
after escaping, I didn’t have any time to gamble. It was work, work,
work, with a few minutes to eat and nap when it became absolutely
necessary!
Parties
Every year the after-show parties suck. Last year I hit the trifecta at
one after hour party: fisting, whip-its and a trannie who could piss
into her own mouth. This year I wasn’t quite so lucky. Thursday night,
the Danni’s Hard Drive bash at Mandalay Bay’s saucy new burlesque club
Forty Deuce was worth the trip. An open bar, hipster band and sexy
strippers onstage made the intimate space the evening’s hottest
destination. Unfortunately, this soiree was winding down way too early
for me! From there, I had two different events with “Player” in the
name to choose from, neither of which sounded too palatable. One was a
pimp and ho, rap and hip-hop party and the other was a swinger’s bash
which was a half-hour’s drive from the strip, requiring a limo shuttle
that I simply couldn’t find. So instead I trundled to The Hard Rock for
the Pure Play Media party and wound up in a massive line unable to get
in, along with the president of the company, who had Seymour Butts in
tow. It was frustrating as hell, but there were so many of us left out
we managed to enjoy ourselves at the bar. I bumbled back to my hotel
room, drunk, at about 4am.
Mondo Porno Vegas
Last year, on my third night hanging out at The Venetian’s Circle Bar,
AVN editor Tim Connelly and I talked about throwing a rock party,
something truly enjoyable. Over the months, he got too busy and so did
I. But spurred on by a former NYC promoter who had moved to Vegas, I
wound up throwing together a Mondo Porno in just weeks. Erocktica flew
in from New York, Coyote Shivers’s band drove up from LA and Vegas punk
rockers The Pervz added their local flavor. Korby, my girl on the
ground there, booked us into the glamorous Coney Island Ballroom at the
oh-so-swanky Boardwalk Casino and Hotel, which, as I understand it,
will be bulldozed by next year, joining all the other “old school”
casinos in the rubble pile as they make way for more monster hotels. To
be honest, I was scared shit that Korby and I would be alone in that
ballroom, watching the bands by ourselves. But between the enthusiastic
locals, hungry for some less-Vegas-y entertainment, and those in town
for the show who’d had it with waiting in lines and not getting into
other parties, the place was pretty packed. Adult entertainment
emissaries Laurie Wallace and Johnny Dannon were my co-hosts, and we
were joined by all sorts of adult industry VIPs: starlet Raquel Devine,
online personality Stevi Secret, The Center for Sex and Culture’s Carol
Queen, Grand Opening!’s Kim Airs, Blue Blood’s Amelia G and Forrest
Black, Evil Angel’s Rick Hall and Benny Profane with his crew of pirate
fetishists. The surprise of New Yorkers who’d made the trip just for
the hell of it added to the excitement. Velocity Chyalldd performed an
a capella version of a Vulgaras hit and Izzy, of Unclefucker and Raunch
Party, networked with the LA and Vegas rockers. And even Mondo
attracted a celeb! Ex-Go-Go and current Surreal Life star Jane Wiedlen
made an appearance, eager for the free DVDs!
It may sound self-serving, but I had the most fun at Mondo Porno. One
local thanked me for throwing a party “that felt like it was a
somebody’s house.” Well, if you have rock bands at your house, I
suppose. Amelia G called it the most fun party of the week. And judging
by how tough it was to get into other events, it could quite possibly
have been the only party some of those people made it into. Next year,
bigger and better!
All in all, the 72 hours I spent in Vegas were action and porn-packed.
For more details on next year’s festivities, keep an eye on www.avn.com.
[Written Jan. 2005]
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