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God's Immaculate Rod
Divine Intervention's Deity Dildo
When I first saw Divine Interventions’
“God’s Immaculate Rod” er, “in the flesh,” I knew I had to have it. The
sleek, sexy curves, the extra added bumps and nubblies, the bright,
bulbous head of it....ooooh, all I could think was “get in my pussy!”
Maybe it was all the current hubbub in the news about religion, but I
knew I had a soft and squishy spot in my....heart....for this divine
piece of silicone.
In keeping with the religious zeitgeist, I finally took my God’s Rod
for a test drive in celebration of the new pope. It wasn’t easy to cram
this monster inside, even with lube, as it isn’t at all small. And
given its grand proportions, it isn’t quite as easy to slide in and out
as others. But after a few moments of excitement—plus all that Latin in
the background as well as the resulting self-lubrication necessary to
facilitate a more enjoyable in-and-out motion—I was in dildo heaven!
The ridges made for a most pleasurable popping in both directions and
the perfect amount of oh-so-slightly pliable stiffness approximated an
erection more closely than any other sex toy I’ve indulged in.
I’d best not admit that I’m not in touch with my G-spot for fear my
friend Bettie Dodson will make a house call and go spelunking for it.
So I can’t say I actually saw God with his Immaculate Rod plunged deep
inside of me. But it was as close as I’ve “cum” to a religious onanist
experience. (Okay, technically I’m unable to have an onanist
experience, since I have no seed to spill....but you get the picture.)
And since there’s a flared base, you can use the Rod with a strap-on,
which is now my highest priority fantasy. Any takers? Or givers?
Divine Interventions garnered instant online fame with their Baby Jesus
Butt Plug. For some reason, the marriage of anal sex and The Lord
really set people off! And got others off! Guffaw. Their line has
enlarged to include other religious themed masturbatory religious
icons: Diving Nun, Virgin Mary, Moses, The Devil, The Grim Reaper,
Judas, Buddha’s Delight and the very Exorcist Jackhammer Jesus. Each
has their own “personality” of bumps, curves and, um, horns. Or you can
opt for the Master and Slave, two dildos that can be suction-stuck to
each other for a double dong experience or slurped onto a wall. Holy
hole humping!
Their products are all available in rag red, snow white or asphyxiation
blue; marbled white, silver black, blue, red, purple or gold; or the
eerie glow in the dark white. Hmm, watching yourself masturbate in the
dark, with a glowing dildo disappearing and reappearing, would be
pretty fuckin’ hot!
Care for your Rod, or any other products from Divine Interventions, can
be as simple as sticking it into the dishwasher, but the purveyors
suggest that you sterilize it in boiling water for three minutes or
wash it with antibacterial soap to keep it safe and germie-free. They
also advise that you never use silicone based lubricants; these babies
are maid of silicone and it’s a like-vs.-like situation. Why silicone,
you ask? Well, they explain that “It is resilient, retains body heat
and is easy to clean.”
I can second all that. Especially the body heat part. It’s nice to not
feel like you’re stuffing yourself with an icicle, unless that’s your
intention, anyway. The material is soft to the touch, slightly rubbery
yet stiff—ahem—and has just the right heft. This dildo is truly divine!
[Written April 2005]
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