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Pornstar Pets
X-Rated Actors and their Animals
Usually
I’m reviewing a DVD in the fuck film context and it’s all about
evaluating the flick for its wankability. Well, unless you get turned
on seeing chicks with huge tits feeding their pets, chances are you
won’t be wanking over this one. This time I was entertained in a whole
different way.
“Porn Star Pets” is a heartwarming documentary about, yes, porn stars
and their pets, conceptualized and directed by Margie Schnibbe. I asked
Ms. Schnibbe how the idea occurred to her. “During the internet boom, I
did a brief stint in the admin department at a major adult content
provider in the San Fernando Valley, “ she told me. “I then
developed/authored a successful adult film ‘fan’ site for an internet
portal. Everyone who knew how I made a living talked to me about porn,
while friends and neighbors I didn’t know well talked to me about my
pets. Hence ‘Pornstar Pets.’”
“The idea came to fruition when I was on the set of VCA’s ‘Unreal.’ I
started talking to Evan Stone, who was walking his dog Sadie in the
parking lot. I thought it was really sweet the way he took his dog
along on the shoot so she wouldn’t be at home alone all day,” Schnibbe
continued. “I pitched the ‘Pornstar Pets’ idea to Brink Films, they
raised a little money, gave me some equipment and sent me off to
shoot.” Schnibbe managed to capture 25 XXX stars acting all gooey and
goofy with an astounding assortment of animals. From the clichéd
cats, Chihuahuas and lapdogs to the more obscure snakes, Sugar Gliders
and giant Madagascar Millipedes, these people love their pets! And
spoil them rotten!
You see a side of these stars here that you definitely don’t catch when
they’re busy getting screwed silly. They’re tender and caring, and
watching them relate to their treasured pets they appear downright
sappy. In their stream-of-consciousness casual chats with the camera,
they divulge what they cook for their pets, share anecdotes about their
pets interacting with web cams and generally gush about how much they
love them. These people aren’t on phony porn sets, they’re in their
living rooms, and it all looks so normal.
Teri Weigel is one of the more interesting stars, with a virtual
kennel’s worth of Shelties, plus rodents, snakes and birds. Her scenes
feature a few of these pets being bathed, which is both odd and
adorable. When she drapes a snake around one of the Sheltie’s neck, he
gives the camera an undeniably dubious dog look.
Sharon Mitchell wins the prize for the oldest pet, an enormous parrot
she’s had for 20 years. Don’t let anyone tell you these people can’t
for long-standing meaningful relationships!
Rena Ramon clocks in with the most pets—and the most unusual. She
rattles off the names of her 32 assorted animals, a few of which are
giant millipedes. Yikes! I couldn’t keep up with all the others, but
suffice it to say that she doesn’t have much time for humans! Another
unusual house pet choice is the “sugar glider,” a bug-eyed bat-like
little rodent-type guy who likes to hang out in a drawstring bag to
bond with its owner. Scott Styles and Kim Chambers have one apiece and
seeing the curious creatures made me want to run right out and buy
myself one.
The biggest softie award is a split between 70’s star Bill Margold and
his long-loyal cats and Mr. Marcus, who cuddles with the most adorable
little cinnamon-colored Poodle. Watching the big stud snuggle with the
tiny fur ball is enough to make even Justice Scalia melt!
Ron Jeremy makes an appearance with his turtle, who co-starred with him
on The Surreal Life. He also cracks wise about his roommate’s bunny,
who is very attractive. The turtle, not the roommate. We don’t see her.
But the “tortoise and the hare” references are amusing.
The overall take-away of this film is just how warm and normal porn
stars actually are. “My intention in making ‘Pornstar Pets’ was to
demystify the life of the adult performer and to reveal the humanity of
those often viewed as outsiders by society,” Schnibbe explained.
“By showing porn stars interacting with their family pets, we get a
glimpse of the kinder, gentler side of the adult industry and the
people who work in it.” If you’re an adult film fan, this is a movie
you can watch with your parents! Er, well, maybe not. But I can
definitely recommend it!
[Written Jan. 2005]
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