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Clown Porn
Funny Fucking!
Starring Hollie
Stevens, Jenna Brooks, Zenova Braeden, Kelly Cornflake, Hef Pounder,
Sheldon Unseen, Dave Poinder, Helicopter Pete, Travis Lee, Slacker the
Clown, Sam “The Package” and Leighton Hollingsworth as Rod Swerling.
Directed by Chris Spoto
Will Appeal To: Clown fans!
Ramco Productions
2004
While it may be easy to slam gonzo porn for flooding the industry with
substandard smut, it is also responsible for a welcome phenomenon:
Everyone thinks they can make porn. This may mean we get to see way
more crap, but it has also resulted in lots of oddball stuff, like the
recently reviewed Psychocandy series and the delightfully demented
“Clown Porn,” in which young hipsters explore their fixation with, yes,
clowns fucking!
I ran into these crazy kids in Vegas at AEE and it was clear they were
porn pioneers. They’re also fans of The Cacophony Society, a loosely
based organization of troublemakers responsible for Santarchy and other
similar insanity, as well as veteran burners. Which means they take
their fun seriously!
This film follows the industry standards, clocking in at 90 minutes
with five sex scenes, including the requisite girl-girl scene. Or
should I say clown-clown? What sets the flick apart is, obviously, all
the grease paint and rubber noses. This will no doubt put off people
with clown-o-phobia, but anyone with a sense of humor will enjoy the
effort. Of course, for those out there with an actual clown fetish,
well, let the wanking begin! And while Clown Porn doesn’t specifically
– or obsessively -- address any particular fetish beyond that for
clowns, I will mention that my two favorite fetishes are at least
tangentially catered to here. There are balloons in the background of
almost every scene, so my balloon fetish friends might enjoy this film
more than most. And though the emphasis is definitely on the fucking,
there are enough pie tins of whipped cream splatted onto faces, asses
and tits to keep my pie sploshing enthusiasts spewing their whipped
cream.
But what about those five sex scenes, eh? In scene one, Hollie takes on
two clown boys at once for some suck, lick, screw. She’s a real
screamer and her yummy little tits look great with grease paint smears
and lipstick stains. Jenna gets pounded by Hef Pounder in scene two. He
grabs her by her orange yarn pigtails and her red plastic clown shoes
flail in the air. When he comes, the two giggle hysterically and she
gobbles his globby come up off her belly. That’s good eatin’!
Hollie and Zenova provide the girl-girl clown action, wearing matching
pink and blue pastel clown face. Zenova and her pierced tongue perform
some serious cunnilingus – for a clown, anyway! – and the two slam into
each other using a pink jelly double dong. With fresh coats of clown
face, the same two double-clown Dave Pounder in his hotel room, tieing
him up and sucking him down. Bwah-ha-ha!
In what starts out looking like it’ll be a three-ring gang-bang, Kelly
sucks Chibbles’s kibbles and bits; man, that girl can concentrate! He
blows his load on her boobs and makes way for Jizzy, a tanned, studly
clown who fucks the ever-patient Kelly. He unloads on her back and she
gamely awaits her next stunt man. It’s “Mime Time,” and I won’t even
give this one away. Suffice it to say that it was the high point of the
film for moi! Her “mystery fuck” is a fat clown who screws her on top
of a bouncey gym ball.
In between all the fucking clowns, there’s hilariously cliché
porn music, calliope-accompanied scene cards and the charmingly smarmy
MC Rod Swerling. Hotel rooms and brightly colored bed sheets are put to
good use as low-budget sets. But the best part of all this clown sex is
how much fun they’re all having. I mean, how serious can you be with a
rubber nose? Two chubby, white-gloved thumbs up!
[Written Feb. 2005]
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